Angry.

Today started out fairly good...got Charles off to school, me and Connor went to get rent paid and to go to walmart.

Then I logged on my Facebook to find out that a very good friend of mines daughter passed away in her sleep.She was only 3 months old. Same heart condition as you, Ethan. And that made mommy mad at GOD. Why do you ask that I am mad? Well lets see..HE gives us beautiful babies only to take them away..IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!! My heart breaks for her and family. Because I know to well what it's like losing a sweet gift from GOD. Ethan I am pretty sure you were right there to guide her up to GOD. Along with the other precious *heart* babies we have lost. I am sure you all gave her sweet loving care the entire way.

While I am happy she isn't hurting anymore I am VERY upset and VERY mad that GOD has to take you sweethearts away. I just don't get it.


Everyday I ask HIM why HE took you...but I never get an answer...maybe I never will. But rest assured I will see you again someday..and sweetie I will NEVER let go!!

Love Mama



*** Fly high sweet Brookie Cookie..I am sad that we never met but I am sure we will meet too! <3 <3 <3***

6 bittersweet months

Yesterday was your 6 month birthday....half a year old. I feel like time has slipped by so very slowly cause it feels just like yesterday that you were born. I am back on medication...taking myself off them too soon was a big mistake. And then this week I have a sinus infection.Great. I started my photography, Ethan you would love my work. I am thinking of taking some of the pictures I have of you and editing them...that way I can see your sweet face everyday. I have your Urn out and I stop by it everyday and tell you I miss you so much..I hope you can hear me in Heaven cause I would give anything in the world to see you right now.

Slowly getting everything done in the house...finally moved our bed into the room..took us forever!

Your older brothers are doing good as well! I feel as if you are with them everyday as well!

Well for now..I am gonna go..it's almost time for bed. I miss you LOTS!

Turn back time.

Oh Ethan I wish I could turn back the clock and be able to hold you in my arms again. Everyday that I want you to be here and be healthy and then I realize you aren't here and you weren't born healthy. You were born with a serious heart condition among other things. Mommy wishes you could have had a decent chance at life. Everytime I hear about a CHD lil one losing his/ her life and gaining there wings I believe you are right there accepting them in Heaven.Found out today my little sister (your aunt Jessica) is having a girl!! I am soo happy for her Jake and Tyler! Oh and we got two precious cats today!!!! Spook and Peanut. I think you would LOVE them.Well sweetheart I am going to go for now....I hope to dream about your beautiful face tonight. <3 mommy.