5 months

Today you would have been 5 months...five long months without you sweetheart is very sad to mommy. I think everyday what you would be doing if you had been given the chance to LIVE. I am going to be posting the video grandpa made for you at your Viewing. I just wish that you were here and in my arms everyday. I wish alot of things...that you were born healthy, that didn't happen. That you had gone through the first surgery, that didn't happen either. But I know you are up there playing and are very healthy. I had a sweet dream of you last night, but it seemed so very real that I woke up and searched all through the house and couldn't find you. The realization that you are gone gets so much harder as time goes by. I miss you baby boy and pretty soon I am getting that dream catcher on my arm so that I have sweet sweet dreams of you every night! I love you sweet baby!

Missing you

So we moved into our new place and I will tell you it's been hectic getting everything organized and getting stuff for the house that I haven't stopped and written to you Ethan. Mommy and daddy made it official, we are now a couple! We hope to make this work...I am thinking you had a hand in that! I am thinking my next tattoo is going to be a dream catcher..because I always see you in my dreams..you are so healthy and peacefull. I can't wait for the day we see you again. Your older brother Charles starts 5th grade on Tuesday at his new school he is very excited!! Connor is to young for head start so we are probably going to put him in daycare a few days a week so mommy and daddy can work. Well I need to get to bed just thought I would update. Miss you sooooooooo much lil guy!