Ethan's Shadowbox/Update

I had gotten a really inspiring idea from a friend of mine to start a shadowbox for Ethan...so far we haven't found the box we are looking for..hopefully will find one tomorrow..I did however get a few things to decorate his box..I even decorated the picture page I want in the box...or maybe in his scrapbook...not quite sure yet..and it's not complete yet I have a few more items I want to add. (you can view pics on my FB)

I got to give him a bath!! You have no idea how that made me feel! It was awesome getting to wash him and he smelled so very good afterwards. There were pictures taken and even a video which I will be posting on Facebook here in a little while.

I am still jumbling everything and I just really want my baby to be able to live...it's just really hard to have to make any kind of decision right now.


My heart is breaking everyday as I think he won't have a first anything...I just can't handle it.

I want to thank everyone for supporting me right now.

3/25/2011 Photoshoot and Hand/Foot Print model

Today was a very sweet day.

Audio/Visual came in and took some very beautiful pictures of Ethan and part of my family...Monday they will be back to do some more pictures of him with my mom, my sister and Ethan's dad.

A little later in the day the Haslinger Pediatric Palliative Care Center came and did hand and foot print models of Ethan's feet and hands...we got the models back a little bit ago and they are very precious! (to view prints of the photo shoot and the models visit my FB page. If we aren't friends go ahead and add me.)

I am very thankful to have a wonderful support team near me in this time..

I haven't made any decisions yet as it's still all jumbled/being processed.

I just want a little more time with my baby, before I have to let him go.

Again thank you to everyone who has sent me messages and comments I appreciate them very much.

The Meeting and Ethan

Well I had arrived at Children's a little before my scheduled meeting with the team of doctors taking care of Ethan.

3pm we go into the meeting and everyone introduced themselves and we started discussing Ethan's test results.

It turns out my sweet baby boy wont have a good quality of life with the surgeries so now I am faced with having to let him go.

I feel as if this is not fair....I brought the sweetest little boy into this world only to have to let him go way to soon.

I am trying not to break down in front of everyone but slowly I feel that slipping away...I just don't want to lose my sweet baby but I don't want to further his pain. That itself makes me feel really bad.

I want to thank everyone who has stood by my side in this whole ordeal.


I am not making any decisions yet, as I need just a little bit more time with my baby boy.
This has been such a very long day and the perk of it was getting to hold my sweet baby boy...Tomorrow the media team from Children's is going to take some pictures of Ethan and I.


Please keep me and my entire family in your thoughts and prayers through this difficult time.
Melissa

3/22

Today was good.

Went over to Akron Childrens pretty early and spent most of the day with Ethan. He is still holding his own and still tolerating my milk..

We are waiting on test results to come back so they can decide how to operate on Ethan...he is fragile so please keep him in your prayers every day and night.

I want to thank everyone for the well wishes and support it means the world to me and my family.

Tomorrow I will be with Ethan most of the day again so if you need me text or Facebook me.

Much love Melissa

My.Little.Fighter.


That is what Ethan is becoming.

Today I took over some breastmilk and he took it like a champ :) While I was there I just sat and admired my little boy. I started touching his hand and he held my finger for the longest time! (I have a pic on FB go check it out)

Tomorrow the whole team of doctors are going to meet and discuss what to do about Ethan having surgery.

I get discharged tomorrow and I can't wait to spend more time with my baby. I miss him already.

Went and saw Ethan today and let me tell you he is beautiful....fragile and a fighter! I got some pictures of him and got to talk with one of his many doctors


Since he needs a valve in his heart and they suspect SLO ( he has the small jaw and only one of his feet has the 2 toes webbed) they are trying to figure out what surgery will be best for Ethan.

He is still on the vent and his numbers are good...right where they need to be.

I will be going back to see him tomorrow...and Monday afternoon. I am being discharged on Monday.

I will be at The Ronald Mcdonald House until we can bring Ethan home.

Well after 9 months (4 of which were a roller coaster of emotions) Ethan David arrived at 9:27 am via c-section. Weighing in at 6 pounds 11 ounces and 20 inches long. He has strawberry blonde hair and very handsome.

This is what I know so far..he is on a vent to stablize his breathing and is completely sedated.

He does have SLO (which is what his older brother Charles has...even though we didn't see any indication via u/s and I didn't want an amnio there was still a 25% chance he would have it.)

He has a cleft in his mouth but not the cleft lip.

and now for his heart...at 20 weeks gestation I was informed he has Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. They did an echo on him shortly after getting to Akron Childrens and found that he is missing a valve in his heart..so they are evaluating on how to treat that. I called about 20 minutes ago and he is stable so far which is good.

I am waiting on the doctors to come and tell me everything that is going on, but I figured I would give a short update. Tomorrow they are gonna get me out of bed and I am going to try to see my baby.

This is an emotional time for me and I thank everyone for being there. I have my cell so any text/calls would be awesome.

Melissa

**will update after I talk with Ethan's doctors.**

Akron.

Got to Akron about noon and since we had some time to spare we checked into The Ronald Mcdonald House...let me tell you this place is awesome. Awesome staff and volunteers. Went to my appt and got my last u/s and non stress test. Everything is good they are estimating 6 pounds 5 ounces but I think we are leaning more towards 7 pounds...cause he is just a bit bigger than Connor was right before I had him @ 37 weeks and his weight was 6 11. Since we are literally right next to Akron Childrens it's really difficult to sleep with the heli copter landing like every hour or so...

We are going to be at Akron General @ 7am so I will have my phone on til it's time to go back...then it's gonna be in airplane mode...so my sis can take pics of Ethan when he comes.


Heres hoping for a safe delivery and a beautiful St Patty's Day baby :)

**will update blog/FB when I can..everyone have a good day tomorrow**

39 weeks...Akron tomorrow!

39 weeks! Wow where did the time go? I am all packed and ready to go out to Akron tomorrow where I will have my last OB appointment and stay the night at The Ronald McDonald House in Akron (which is right next to Akron Childrens and one block from Akron General,which is where I am delivering) At 7am on Thursday I will be heading in to Labor and Delivery and getting prepped to have my c-section at 9am. I am so very very nervous! I will make sure that the world will know when Mr.Ethan arrives and all his stats. Well if I don't get the chance to say it on FB Happy St Patty's Day!

Four more days!!!!!!

AHHHH I can't believe Ethan is almost here!

Last week I had some contractions that made me think he was gonna be here earlier than planned but I guess not...they just haven't been strong enough for me to want to go in.

The other day I recieved a very nice care package from Sisters By Heart and I love love love it! It included two very cute teddy bears for my older two boys and some nice things for the baby and me when we go to the hospital.

Wednesday me, my mom and sister are going to Akron and staying the night at The Ronald McDonald house there so that we don't have to be up as early on Thursday ( I have to be at Labor and Delivery at 7 am)

I am so excited to finally meet Ethan and nervous at the same time...I hope I get to see him before they whisk him to Akron Children's.

I will be posting lots of pictures on my Facebook page so get ready!!

38 weeks and counting

38 weeks ahhhhh.....

Well my 38th week started with contractions! Been having them ever since but nothing strong enough to go to Labor and Delivery. I am hoping to wait until the 17th but I am not so sure we will make it..if we do thank god because thats an extra week Ethan is gonna grow grow grow.

I am getting more and more anxious about the delivery. Since my last baby was an unplanned c-section and I have this one planned it scares me a little because I am hoping to be awake as they had to knock me out the last time due to them not being able to put the epidurel in.

Ethan dropped!! Finally no more butt dances...BUT now there is pelvic head dances...yay.

on my facebook I added new pics of my baby bump....go check em out.

Here's hoping we make it to 3-17-2011

If not Happy St. Patty's Day to everyone :)

10 more days...No sleep for me

As I sit here at the computer at 2:50 am I think to myself that in 10 days I get to meet Ethan....while most parents would be super excited I am trying to be...don't get me wrong I can't wait to meet him....it's just that I wish it was under better circumstances...If you haven't read by now, my son has HLHS (Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome) A condition he has where the left side of his heart didn't form correctly and now he has to undergo three surgeries (maybe more) by the time he is 5 years old. While at first I wondered what I did wrong....did I not take the right vitamins did I not get in soon enough to the doctors. I was told that nothing I did caused this...that there are so many babies being born with this condition...who are happy and healthy due to the surgeries.


SURGERY......

That is one scary word to process...

I can't help but feel scared that he might not make it through, or that he will make it through but have many complications.

I am hoping to spend some time with him BEFORE they do surgery...we will see as I am having a C-Section.


MY BOYS.

I have two older boys Charles who is 9 years old and Connor who is 2 years old....I really hate the fact that I wont be around as much until we can bring Ethan home...I am scared they will be mad at me. I am hoping that with the support of my family they can help my older boys cope with me not being around full time.

I am going to try to post as much as possiblein the next 10 days ( and beyond)


Til then....I need sleep!!!